Alway On My Mind
by CaseyL
Summary: Song fic with Rayna and Deacon. Months after the accident when they've been split up and going through hard times can Rayna get Deacon back or is it too late?
1. Chapter 1

**I don't usually like song fics, but for some reason this came to me, and I thought it felt right.**

##

Rayna sat at her piano aimlessly pressing the keys in no particular order while she stared off into space. She heard the doorbell, but didn't make any effort to get up and answer it. She didn't really feel like talking to anyone.

Tandy was there though, and she didn't have the strength to stop her from racing over, so soon she and Bucky were walking through the door. They were joking about something in that flirty way they do. Rayna looked at them and smiled a little. It was so easy for them, no drama, no secrets, just two people who enjoyed each other's company and spent time together when he wasn't on the road and she wasn't taking over a multi-million dollar corporation.

"Have you picked a song yet?" Bucky asked.

"What song?"

"For tonight. For the Willie Nelson 80th birthday extravaganza. Remember? Everyone's supposed to pick their favorite Willie song.

"Oh shoot, I totally forgot about that Bucky, can't I just cancel? I'm sure there will be plenty of other artists there to pay tribute."

"It's being televised Rayna, and you've been promoted as one of the acts. I know Jeff is kind of sweet on you, but he'll be livid if you cancel. I already talked the label out of you and Deacon doing the Willie/Dolly Parton duet _Everything's Beautiful_, but I can't tell them you're going to cancel."

"Well there's no way Deacon would have agreed to doing a duet with me anyway. If you haven't noticed, he's not only not talking to me, he's making sure it's in writing. "

Rayna thought back to the last time she saw Deacon three weeks ago. It was in his lawyer's office. They were discussing custody/visitation rights regarding Maddie. They'd agreed that she would stay at Deacon's every other weekend that Rayna had custody of her. If the custody negotiations hadn't been bad enough with Teddy, throwing a third person into the mix was no picnic. At least they were officially divorced now, so it was easier to deal with the Deacon part of it without Teddy getting too involved.

_Just as they were wrapping up the paperwork Deacon interjected. _

"_Just one more stipulation I want to add."_

"_What's that?" Rayna's lawyer asked._

"_When Maddie comes over Tandy drops her off and picks her up. I don't ever want to have to see Rayna again if I don't want to."_

_Rayna was shocked and hurt. She knew that he was still mad at her, but never seeing each other again was a different story._

"_Deacon, what are you saying? I know you're mad, but this is ridiculous. You don't honestly think that we could ever not be in each other's lives?"_

"_I just don't think we're good for each other Ray, and I think it's best for both of us if we just go our separate ways."_

_Rayna shook her head in disbelief. "We've been together 26 years, even when I was married to Teddy we were never really apart. We're a part of one another._

"_We separated after you fired me, when I was on the road with the Revel Kings."_

_Rayna laughed. "For three weeks, and that's the longest we've ever gone without talking. And now you're saying you never want to talk to me again? Deacon, you can't mean that." _

_Rayna was feeling a bit desperate. She saw the steely look in Deacon's eyes, a look she'd never seen before, at least not directed at her, and for the first time she thought he might be serious, and it shook her to her core. What would she do without him? Could she really survive not having him in her life? She didn't really want to find out, but was scared that she was about to._

"_I'm not a fool Rayna, I know we'll run into each other at the occasional industry event, round the halls of Edgehill, hell, you're repping my niece. I just want to know that if I don't ever want to see you again, I'm in control of that."_

_Then Deacon turned to his lady lawyer. "Just put a line about it in the contract."_

_Rayna's lawyer put his hand on her arm attempting to show her some support. "Is this ok with you Rayna?"_

_Rayna looked around the room towards the window trying to hide the pools of water starting to fill her eyes. She felt so tired and beaten down, and the one person she always turned to whenever she needed lifting up was the one exhausting her. "OK, whatever he wants."_

_The lawyer wrote the line in, and pushed the paper towards Rayna to sign. Unsteadily she took the pen and looked up at Deacon. The cold glare still hadn't left his face. She took a deep breath and scribbled her name on the document, then she pushed the paper towards Deacon. Deacon signed the paper and walked out._

She hadn't seen him since. It was Sunday though, and Maddie was at his place now. She'd probably be home in an hour or two, that's what Rayna was thinking about when Bucky had walked in the door.

"Rayna, so what song are you going to do?"

"I'm sorry Buck, give me another hour or so, I promise I'll come up with something."

"OK, but I need to know by 5:00 so the house band can prep."

"I promise, by 5:00. Oh, who did they get to sing the duet?"

"Oh, Juliette and Blake Shelton. Miranda's sick so they paired the two of them together."

"Juliette and Blake? Singing "Everything's Beautiful?" That's going to be interesting. Maybe I will enjoy tonight."

##

It was 4:30 and Rayna still hadn't picked a song when Maddie walked in the door with Tandy.

"How'd it go honey? Did you have fun with Unc…er, your dad?"

"We had a blast. Deacon and I rehearsed the song he's playing tonight, then he was showing me how to start riffing a little so maybe I could start writing my own songs."

"That's great honey, there's nobody better to learn song writing technique from than Deacon."

Rayna was happy that Maddie seemed so excited, but if she had to admit it to herself she was also rather jealous of her oldest daughter. It wasn't too long ago that she was spending the weekend locked up in Deacon's house writing songs together, and truth be told, she sorely missed it.

She must have let the thought linger a little too long on her face because all of a sudden Maddie turned serious.

"What's wrong mom?"

"Oh, nothing sweetie, I'm just glad you had a good time."

"Are you sad that Deacon is still mad at you?"

"Oh, Deacon isn't mad at me, we're just taking some time apart. "

"Mom, I'm 14, I know he's not speaking to you, and that awful lawyer he hangs around with Kayla keeps encouraging it."

"Was she there this weekend?"

"She was leaving when I came on Friday after school. I don't know why he listens to her, she's a real bitch."

"Maddie! Don't use that word…even if that's what she is."

"I know you miss him mom. Why don't you make him forgive you? I was mad at you, and you convinced me to forgive you."

"I know sweetie, but my relationship with Deacon is a little different than my relationship with you. He doesn't need me the way you do."

"I know, but I still think that if you really wanted to you could get him to forgive you. I mean, I know he still loves you."

"Oh, and how do you know that?"

"Because he gets that same far away look in his eyes when I talk about you, like you get when I talk to you about him."

Rayna smiled. It was nice to know that the two of them spoke about her, that she wasn't being cut out completely from their relationship.

"Well, thanks, maybe I will take your advice. Now you go up and get ready to go to your other dad's, I have to call Bucky. I promised him a song."

Maddie ran into her room and Rayna picked up the phone.

"Hey Buck it's me."

"Well, did you pick a song?"

"Yep, I'm going to sing _Always On My Mind_."

"Are you sure that's the one you want to sing Rayna? That's a pretty emotional song, especially considering what you've been going through lately."

"I know, and I'm sure."

Rayna hung up and went into her closet to get ready. Normally for an event like this she'd wear a sparkly number, but tonight she thought understated was the way to go. She pulled on some jeans, a silk shirt, and her favorite pair of cowboy boots. For the first time in months she felt optimistic, she felt like herself.

##

Everyone was buzzing around the auditorium. Live events were always very structured. The Edgehill artists were going on early in the show, and Rayna was wrapping up the first set of songs before the break. To Juliette's dismay she and Blake opened, then Deacon singing _On the Road Again_. That was perfect for him, there's no one she knew who belonged on the road more than Deacon. She'd pictured him singing the song earlier in the day with their daughter and it made her smile.

Rayna stood by the side of the stage mesmerized. She hadn't seen him in weeks, and if she was being honest with herself she was aching for him in a way even she wouldn't have expected. He looked so normal up there on stage, in his element. Just like she always remembered him. She could almost picture him coming off stage, smiling at her, and giving her a kiss.

Of course when he finished he glanced off in her direction then quickly exited the other side of the stage. She saw him take his seat next to Bucky in the 2nd row as she prepared for her number. She was a little nervous. Not to sing, but for what she was about to do.

She walked out on stage when they called her name and sat down at the piano. She'd requested that it just be her and a guitarist out there. Maybe that was a little too symbolic, but she didn't care. She was putting it all out there tonight, so she might as well go all the way with this.

She looked out at the audience, then at Deacon, then took a deep breath.

"Tonight I'm going to sing one of my favorite Willie Nelson songs and I'd like to dedicate it to my best friend and rock of more than 26 years. We've been going down a bumpy road lately, but I wanted to let him know how much he means to me."

Deacon couldn't believe his ears. Did Rayna just say that? Even when they were kids singing their love songs to each other at the Bluebird they never openly discussed that the songs were about them.

"Oh no, I'm not sticking around for this." Deacon started to rise and Bucky pushed him down.

"Sit down, you know how awful it's going to look if you get up and walk out on live TV. Everyone in this room knows she's talking about you, hell everyone in America knows she's talking about you."

"I know, that's why I don't want to be here."

All eyes in the room turned to Deacon as he settled back in his chair. Bucky was right, it would just make him look bad if he walked out when Rayna was pouring her heart out on live TV. Damn Rayna.

Rayna looked at the guitarist and started to play the piano.

_Maybe I didn't love you, quite as often as I could have. Maybe I didn't treat you, quite as good as I should have._

_If I made you feel second best, Boy I'm sorry I was blind. You were always on my mind. You were always on my mind. _

Deacon shifted in his chair. He knew this song, knew it well, had sung it to Rayna before in the past from his perch at the Bluebird. There was nothing new about it, but hearing Rayna singing it up there, so vulnerable it was getting to him in a way he wished it wasn't. Rayna's eyes were boring into him, and he felt like if he looked back she would be able to see into his soul and maybe melt away some of that anger he'd been feeling.

_Maybe I didn't hold you all those lonely, lonely times. And I guess I never told you, I'm so happy that you're mine. Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time, but you were always on my mind. You were always on my mind._

Rayna had been trying to keep her composure, but when she hit the bridge she couldn't hold it together anymore and tears started to stream down here face and drip onto the keys of the piano.

_Tell me, tell me that your sweet love hasn't died, and give me, give me one more chance to keep you satisfied. I'll keep you satisfied. _

Deacon could feel the tears starting to come as well and he fought them back the best he could. He couldn't believe she was doing this, private Rayna declaring her feelings for him like this, in front of the whole world. It was something that he would have given anything to see six months ago, but now he was filled with all sorts of confusing emotions.

_Little things I should have said and done, I just never took the time, but you were always on my mind. You were always on my mind. You were always on my mind. You were always on my mind. _

When Rayna hit the last chord Deacon ran out, but before he bolted out the side door she saw the tears running down his face the same as hers, and for the first time since the accident she knew there was hope for them.


	2. Chapter 2

**A few people requested a second chapter so I thought I'd oblige with a short wrap up. **

##

Rayna finished the performance, gave a shout out to Willie sitting in the front row, and then existed stage left. She knew she was supposed to take her seat, but she had other things in mind. She wandered around the auditorium for a while searching for him, but if he hadn't left the Ryman Rayna knew exactly where he'd be.

She went out a back door, and there he was, standing on the fire escape staring out at Nashville. She walked over to stand beside him, but didn't say anything. Tears were still in both of their eyes.

Deacon continued to stare forward. "Why'd you do that Rayna?"

"I don't know. I guess it just felt like the right thing to do. I just miss you so much."

Deacon was quite for few seconds, and then he spoke in almost a whisper. "I miss you too, but I don't know if I'm capable of getting past this."

Deacon's hands were holding onto the railing, Rayna reached one of her own out and tentatively rested it on top of his. She thought he might pull away, but she was pleasantly surprised when he didn't. They sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity.

"Ray, I…I just…"

He was clearly struggling to find the right words, but Rayna wasn't sure what he was reaching for. And then all of a sudden he turned to her, took her face in his hands, and very slowly kissed her. His breath hitched when he did it, and Rayna moaned a little in response. It had been so long, and the contact felt so good. When he broke the kiss he kept his hands on her face and rested his forehead against hers.

"It's not going to be easy, and I'm not promising anything Rayna."

"When has anything ever been easy with us Deacon Claybourne?"

Deacon laughed a little and once again grabbed her hand.

"Yeah, I guess you're right about that."

He pulled her hand up to his mouth and kissed the back of it tenderly.

"Did you really just sing _Always on My Mind_ to me in front of the whole goddam world?"

"Yep, I think I did that."

"You know that the girls and Teddy were probably watching at home?"

"Yeah, and the rest of my family, and my boyfriend, and your girlfriend."

"She's not my girlfriend Ray, she's just someone I was involved with. Is Jeff really your boyfriend?"

"Well, we'd been seeing each other, enough that I'm sure he wasn't happy with that performance tonight."

"So much for being the apple in the executive's eye."

"Yeah, he's probably not too happy with me right now. I should know better than to ever date anyone else, I'm always throwing them over for you at the most inopportune times."

"Did you ever finish that album with Liam?"

"Yeah, we got it done. He's a big boy. I think almost dying helped to soften him up a bit though."

"And you and I were already broken up by then."

"Yeah, what are we now?"

Deacon got serious again.

"I don't know Ray, we can't just be what we were, I don't know if I'm ever going to be able to trust you the way that I did, but…I'm willing to try."

Rayna took a deep breath as if a gigantic weight had been lifted off of her shoulders. Then she reached up and stroked his face. "I love you so much Deacon, as I said the last time we got back together, that's just never not true."

"I love you too Ray."

Then Deacon pulled her further into his arms, this time kissing her with more intensity. Then he took her hand and walked her down the fire escape.

"Come on, let's get out of here."

Rayna walked down the steps behind him. She didn't know where they were going, but she knew she'd follow him anywhere they were heading.


	3. Chapter 3

**I know I said this was just going to be one or two chapters, but I suddenly felt like I should keep going. Thanks for all the kind reviews. **

##

When they got to the brand new Suburban Deacon opened Rayna's door, then jumped in the driver's seat.

"I think I should drive this time…I've experienced your driving first hand."

Then he rubbed his leg he'd broke in the accident.

"Very funny Deacon Claybourne. Are you going to make bad driver jokes for the rest of our lives?"

"I'm just saying, you were the sober one and look what happened."

He looked over at her and gave her a sly smile. She smiled back and blushed a little. God it felt so good to be like this with him.

Deacon pulled out onto the road and down the back streets until he reached an abandoned farm they used to go to when they were kids. He pulled the car up in a clearing in the middle of the overgrowth.

"This old place? We haven't been here in ages."

He got out of the car and walked around to once again open her door. Then he reached up his hand and helped her out. "Yeah, I come here sometimes when I want to be alone with my thoughts and memories. Come on. Let's take a walk."

They strolled through the fields, now overgrown into a tangled mess, but there was still a path beaten out where they could walk. They did a loop around the property just enjoying the night air.

Suddenly Deacon stopped and grabbed her shoulders turning her towards him. He had tears in his eyes.

"I need to know Ray, I need to know that you won't lie to me again…about anything."

"I promise Deacon, I won't ever keep anything from you again." Rayna felt overwhelmed by the emotions and began to cry as well.

"Even if you think it's in my best interest? Even if you think it's best for the girls?"

"I promise Babe, no more lies."

"And there's nothing else you've been keeping from me all these years?"

"Well," Rayna started off slowly. "If I'm really being honest Deacon, there's one other thing I've been lying about."

Deacon felt his heart tighten, what could this be? He didn't really want to ask, but he knew he had to if they were going to get past all this. "What is it?"

Rayna looked at him sheepishly, staring into his blue eyes. "I'm not really a red head."

They both broke out in a smile, and Deacon laughed.

"Hell, I knew that. You forget I've known you since you were 16, and I've seen you naked. "

Rayna hit his shoulder playfully. "You're so bad."

Just at that moment they heard a thunder-clap and the rain started to come down. They ran back through the rain to the Suburban. They jumped into the front seat and shut the doors, but it was a humid night in Nashville, and they were both soaked.

As she tried to dry herself off she looked to the side and saw Deacon staring at her. For the first time in a while he had that hunger in his eye that she'd seen so often, and she knew what was coming next.

"You're soaked," he said in his low growl of a voice.

"Uh huh," she nodded.

"Why don't you take your top off?"

Rayna smiled. "Why don't you? You're soaked too."

"Why don't you help me?"

That's all the encouragement Rayna needed. Within seconds she was straddling him in the drivers seat. They were frantically pulling off each other's shirts in between kisses. She ran her fingers through his hair as he managed to unbutton her jeans and run his hands down the back grabbing her ass. Rayna hated to break the contact, but she knew how hard it was from experience to make love in the front seat of a car. She took his hand and led him to the back of the SUV. There, for the first time since he'd discovered they'd once conceived a child together doing this very thing, they ravaged each other under the glow of the moonlight.

Afterwards they lay in each other's arms staring out at the quiet in the forest.

"It's steamy in here."

"Well, who's fault is that?" Deacon smiled at her. "Here," he said getting up and pushing the button on the back window. "Let me get some air in this thing."

The scent of the summer rain wafted in with the sprinkles that kept falling on their already moist bodies. Deacon brushed the soft strands of her hair away from her face and looked into Rayna's eyes.

"To be honest, I never thought we'd be like this again."

"I knew we would. I never gave up hope. I never lost faith in us."

Deacon kissed her softly. "I'm glad you didn't Ray."

He pulled her in close and rested his chin on her head. Just then they saw a flash of light and someone tapped on the glass. They struggled to cover themselves with their clothes.

A man appeared in the window? "What are you two kids doing here? This is private property."

Deacon and Rayna looked at each other and tried to stifle their laughs. "Yes sir, sorry, we'll leave right away."

"Alright, and don't come back."

"Of course."

Rayna and Deacon threw on the rest of their clothes and climbed back into the front seat.

"Kids?" Rayna said.

"That flashlight must have been pretty dim."

"Or maybe he's just as old as the abandoned farm. I think that was the night watchman when we were teens."

Deacon pulled the car out of the forest and onto the road. As they drove off they just looked at each other and laughed. Neither one could deny it, this just felt right.


End file.
